Mary Sue and the Cretinous Clichés
by Scribblers Burrow
Summary: Ever read a fanfiction ware the most ridicules things happen and it makes you wonder what the writer was thinking? Are you a young writer wondering what you should or shouldn't do? Whats a girl to do when she's the only sain one in a crazy parody?


A/N: Hey there. I have started a new story. A Parody of transformers fanfiction. You know all the stupid things you see in TF fanfics, well I'm taking it all and putting it into one big hilarious story. Now I one thing to mention is that I don't mean to offend anyone, I just am making some very important points. Young writings out there, read this and know that the stuff that you see in here, is NOT how you write a story. Read and learn.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers, or any of the tv shows that are mentioned in this chapter.

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Chapter 1

"Hi! I just moved here, Tranquility if you don't know where here is. I have a bit of a tragic past, my parents just died in a car accident. I moved here with my best friend a few days ago, and now we are going to high school here together. We both in grade 11, and have been best friends since we were in diapers. Oh, by the way, my name is Mary, I have long Chesnutt coloured hair, and Indigo coloured eyes and-"

"Who are you talking to?"

A girl with dark skin and shoulder length black hair stood just behind Mary, looking very confused.

"Lola! My best friend in the whole wide world!" Mary exclaimed grabbing the girl in a hug.

"How many times to I have to tell you not to call me that! My name is Liana. Lola sounds like some Drama Queen!" The girl said, trying to extract herself from Mary's death grip. "And I'm not your best friend, I am just the unfortunate person that got stuck with you because our parents were best friends. And again, I ask, who were you talking to?" She finished, finally freeing herself from the hug.

"That's not important, what's important is that you are here now. Lola Hart, my best friend and supporting black role in this story."

"What? Supporting black role?" Liana said, sounding offended. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

"Yes, supporting _black_ role. You see, in modern day media, there is a certain percentage of minorities that must be mixed in with the whites. Often, in a television show or movie, you will have the main character, who is white, and there supporting friend, who is black. Hardly ever do you see a black person as the main character in a white man's show. The only time you will see a person of colour as the main character is in shows like 'The Crosby Show,' or 'The House of Pain' or 'Smart Guy.' These are all shows ware most of the cast is black, and set in an area where most of the population in the area is of colour. Make sense?"

Liana stared blankly at her for a minute before answering.

"I can't believe it! You actually said something that...that....was intelligent! Oh my god, Mary said something intelligent! Has the world gone mad!?" She said in a very overly exaggerated manner. "Wait! Why are you referring to me as your supporting character? This isn't a movie! I don't support anyone!"

"Sorry, but it's true," Mary said shaking her head, completely ignoring Liana's question. Haven't you noticed? It happens every where! Even in kid shows, like 'Kim Possible.' It happens all the time, so don't worry about being my supporter, you will always be number one to me."

Liana's eye twitched.

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence Mary," she said sarcastically, "but I got to go."

"Wait!" said Mary, grabbing onto Liana's arm. "You can't go! You need to meet my new friends. That's them, coming this way." Mary pointed to a boy and girl walking their way.

"Sorry Mary, but I really got to go...umm...to class, I got to go to class. See ya!"

Mary held on tighter.

"No Lola, you got to meet them, besides, school is over, and I have a feeling there special."

"Special in the same way your _special_, Mary?" Liana said, emphasising on special.

"Hey, Mary."

Liana looking at the girl who had spoken. She was stunning, she was almost a beautiful as Mary. Oh wait, she was more beautiful than Mary, just not in Mary's head.

"Hi," the boy beside her said awkwardly.

"Sam, Mikaela, it's so nice to see you again. This is my best friend, Lola Hart. Lola, this is Sam and Mikaela, I just met them this morning, Sam lives right across the street from us, and as it turns out, they are in every one of my classes."

'Lola' rolled her eyes.

"Well isn't that _convenient_?" she muttered under her breath. Louder she said, "My name isn't Lola Hart you moron, and I have told you a million times not to call me that! It's Liana Johnston."

"Lola is the nick name I gave her when we were little, she loves it, she's just being difficult for fun," said Mary-Sue with a smile despite her friends obvious protest.

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you Liana. Did you move here with Mary?" asked Mikaela.

"Oh yes she did. I didn't want to come live here on my own since my parents died, so she came with me," Mary replied before Liana had the chance.

"No, the only reason we came was because my Dad needed to relocate because of work, and we brought Mary with us since our Moms were so close and she has no other family," Liana explained, sounding annoyed.

"That's cool of you. Hey, do you want a lift home? I got a car," Sam offered them.

"Oh that would be wonderful, Sam! Isn't that great Lola! Hey Lola, where are you going? Didn't you hear what he said?" Mary said, running to grab her retreating friend.

"I appreciate the offer, but I got stuff to do, besides, we don't really know you and,-hey!"

"No you don't! Now come on."

Mary dragged the reluctant Liana back over to Sam and Mikaela, and they all started walking to the car.

"Wow, a Camaro with racing stripes! This is awesome!" exclaimed Mary, jumping into the back seat when Sam opened the door for her. It almost looked like it opened before Sam's hand reached it, but she brushed it off, not thinking anything of it. Liana didn't notice a thing.

Once they were all in, Sam driving, Mikaela in the passenger seat, while Liana, and Mary in the back, they backed out of the parking lot and went onto the main road.

Mary chattered excitedly away at her new friends, while Liana sat with her arms folded; only getting a few words in between Mary's never ending chatter.

Looking around she spotted a police car following them. It didn't have it's lights on, but it had been following them for a little while, making the same turns that they made.

"Hey, Sam, is this car completely checked out and stuff, cause there's this cop car following us and-"

"Oh crap, it's Barricade! Step on it 'Bee!" Sam cut Liana off.

'_Roger that'_ played through the radio as the car jolted forward. The police car sped up as well.

"Sam! What the hell are you doing!? Running from the police! Oh I knew we shouldn't have come with a couple of strangers!" Liana shrieked.

The police car rammed them from the side.

Liana screamed. Mary looked through the window at the car.

"Hey, look! It says to '_punish and enslave_,' she exclaimed.

"What!?" yelled Liana.

"Look," said Mary, pulling Liana over to her window.

Liana squinted at the car.

"I don't see anything."

"Look closer, see the really tiny writing on the side."

"You mean those teeny little scribbles?"

"Yeah!" replied Mary, happy that her friend had finally seen it.

"How the hell can you read that? I mean, it's so tiny, and the car is moving so fast. You would have to have superman vision to read that!"

"Actually, all our new friends are always able to read it," said Sam.

"What, all your new friends?" asked Liana, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, you see, we get a lot of new girls, and we take them for a ride home in Bumblebee, and for some odd reason, Barricade always comes out of no where and chases us. We're not really sure why," Sam said scratching his head.

"OK, first off, who are Barricade and Bumblebee, and second, if this has happened before, then why do you keep giving girls rides!?"

Sam looked back at Liana. After staring at her for a second, he answered.

"I dunno."

"Aahhh!" Liana threw her head back in frustration. "You have GOT to be kidding me! What the hell is going on!?"

"We'll explain that at a time that is not so...pressing," said Mikaela.

"Oh really, and when would you suggest is a good time?" Liana asked, "When we're in jail!"

Liana didn't get the answers she was looking for, because at that moment Barricade decided to ram them off the road. Luckily though, they had made it out of town and so there was no one to see what happened next.

The yellow Camaro with black racing stripes pulled around on the grass and came to a stop at a safe distance away from the offending police car. The doors opened.

"Okay, get out, get out, get out!" shouted Sam, scrambling out of the car.

The girls followed him, stumbling out onto the grass. Liana got up as quickly as she could, ready to explain that she had nothing to do with any of this, when the car stood up.

She stood stock still, watching as parts and gears shifted into new places. It was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. It was a robot, a big robot. She barely had time for it to register in her brain when the police car also transformed and charged the yellow one.

She did the only thing she could think of doing at the moment; she turned on her heels and ran away screaming.

Giant robots didn't exist, that sort of stuff only happened in Sci-fi movies, not in real life. She had to get away, but as she was running, she saw Mary, just standing there, staring up at the war machines. Liana grabbed her hand and began pulling her away.

"What the hell are you doing? Trying to get killed!? Come on, we got to get out of here!" Liana yelled.

"It's weird, I know that I should be afraid, but for some reason, I feel protected. The yellow one is trying to protect us; he's the good guy. I feel so much more comfortable now. I never expected that my life would take this turn. My life wasn't anything special. I was just a normal girl, that only dreamed of being great and..."

"What are you talking about? Wait, are you _narrating_?" asked Liana as they ran.

"...And when I lost my parents..."

"Oh good lord, tell me your not narrating!"

"...I mean when I was six..."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me! She's freaking narrating!"

"...I never would have guessed..."

"Stop narrating!"

"And therefore it could have-"

Instead of getting cut off by Liana, she was cut short when the yellow robot was thrown over them, landing on the ground in front of them with a thud. The ground shook and the girls screamed. Well, Liana screamed and fell; Mary managed to keep her balance with a look of utter calmness on her face.

"How the hell can you be so calm about this!?" Liana shouted at Mary.

"Well we can't go panicking, now can we? It looks like the yellow bot may be having some trouble with this guy," Mary replied looking over at the former police curser.

"How were you able to pay attention to what was happening when you were narrating?"

Liana's question wasn't answered because the black robot decided that taking up a human hostage would be a good idea. Liana scrambled out of the way of the incoming hand, but Mary just stood there.

"Mary!" Liana yelled franticly.

"Now surrender Autobot, or this little fleshling will be crushed!" the monster demanded.

Apparently, Mary had other ideas. She grabbed onto the wires under his plating and ripped. The monster howled in pain, loosening his grip on Mary in the process. She scrambled up his arm and began tearing out wires as she went. Pink liquid began pouring out of him as he tried to grab the little menace that was expertly climbing around his body.

All the while, Liana just stood there and stared at the scene in front of her. When had Mary suddenly become a fighter?

"Ok hold on." No one was listening to her. "HEY YOU IDEOTS, STOP!"

The black bot halted in his struggling and Mary paused her attack. They both looked at Liana.

"What is going on here? Mary, last time I checked, you were not that strong or well balanced. And how can you get your hand in between the armour when one shift could sever it?" Liana then looked to the robot. "And you, who are you? Why were you chasing us? And how come you can't handle a little girl that's not even strong enough to open a pickle jar on her own?"

The black robot stopped to think about the question.

"You know, I don't know. I always end up chasing these guys through the streets and getting into battle with Bumblebee, but I never know why. And I also don't know why some girls can beat me so easily. I'm Barricade, a Decepticon that has been fighting in a war for century's, and somehow, I am getting beat by little human girls," he said, sounding very confused.

"Well, I don't know about this dude, but I'm awesome, so that's all I have to say about that," said Mary, not sounding at all perturbed by the recent events.

Liana smacked her forehead. "You have got to be kidding me."

"This is actually getting rather annoying," said Barricade, "I think I'll go now."

Barricade plucked the human off of his shoulder and plopped her on the ground. He then transformed and drove off, leaving one very victorious girl and one very confused girl behind.

Mary spun around to face her friend with a look of pride on her face.

"See, I got rid of him. No need to thank me, all in a day's work," she said as she rubbed her unbroken nails on her shirt.

Liana just stared at her, mouth hanging open, eyes wide and unbelieving as Mary walked past her to where Sam and Mikaela were with Bumblebee.

No freaking way was this happening.

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A/N: Was that not just hilarious? Ok, first things first, the speech that Mary gives about people of colour is not my spouting out stuff and being racist, that is what you learn when you take courses like Social Justice. I live in a place where we don't give much thought to races or colour of skin. If your back you black, if you gay your gay, and no one really cares, just as long as you're not a horrible person. I never really thought about racism other than that it was a horrible thing of the past. I was wrong. It is still all around us, even in the safe non-racist place that I live. Modern media has it the worst. I am challenging that.

Ok on the point of the parody stuff, no offence to anyone who has done any of this (I am not free of everything in this) but some stuff is just ridicules. OC in Bee getting chased by Barracade, come on, get a new idea. And girl taking out a decepticon who has survived a war with giant robots for centuries! Again, COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!

And the number one thing that you must not let your character do is.......Narrate! NO NARRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all I have to say about that. Hope you liked it and learned something.

Please review and if there is something that you can think of the bugs you about fanfics at you would like to see in this story, let me know.

~Mel~


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